Patience Loader - Journal writer

. . . then Started on our Journey for Iowa city[.] when we ar[r]ived there we was told that the Mormon Company was camped two Miles out of town[.] we girls all walked out[.] My father [James] and brother had to look after our bagage and get some one to take it to camp for us[.] when we a[r]rived in camp we was furnished a tent for our family[.] the weather was dreadfully hott[.] No shade whatever[.] here we staid for three weeks before the company was ready to start[.] in the day time we went into the woods as we was camped not far from there and the river run through the woods[.] So we Made afire and did our cooking and washing there as it was most convenient for us[.]
after we had been in camp a few days Br in law John Jaques and family arrived[:] My two sisters Zilpha & Tamar and My sister Zilpha Jaques and little Flora her little girl then two years old[.] this was a happy Meeting[.] when we left Liverpool we left My Sister Tamar with Bro jaques to help My Sister to get ready to leave by the end of June or as early in June as they could get ready[,] as My brother in law was released from his labors in the office w[h]ere he had been engaged for many years[.] he could not leave to come with us so father and Mother concluded to let My Sister Tamar stay with them untill my brother was released from the ofice[.] we would have liked to all come from England together but brother Jaques could not leave the of[f]ice to come with us in December 1855[.] he had to Stay there in Liverpool untell the following summer[,] so we parted in Liverpool and did not meet again untill July 1856[.]
then we traveld alltogether across the plains to Utah[.] I can as[s]ure you this was avery hard journey[.] I forgot to Mention I said we all traveld together but My Eldest brother John remained in Iowa also his wife and young son Harrey Loader by name[.] My brother did not want to continue the Journey that year as his wife was nearing her confindment and he thought the journey would be to hard for her and he said that he did not want to pull a hand cart so he got employment in Iowa and remained there for Many Years before coming to Utah and when the War borak [broke] out in 1861 he Joined volunteer reg[i]ment in Iowa and served three Years in the War[.] was wounded in the arm[,] went to the Hospittle and then went home[.] after he left the hospittle and lived in Iowa for Several years[.] here I well return to my Journey across the plains[.]
Many hard and severe trials we past through at the first part of our jurney[.] we seemed to endure the days travel pretty well for the first hundred Miles[,] then My poor dear fathers health began to fail him and before we got to Florance he became very weak and sick[.] his legs and feet began to swell[.] some days he was not able to pull the cart and when we arrived at Florance we put up the tent[,] Made the bed and he went to bed[.] we did not think he could live. Franklin Richards came into the tent to see him[.] My father said he wished to be adminsterd too and brother Richards and three other breathren adminesterd to him and blessed him and told him that he should get better and continue his journey and get to Salt Lake City[.] this seemed to give him new strength and currage[.] we rested there for a few hours untill three o clock in the afternoon[.] then we Started on our Journey again to Camp at Cuttlers park seven Miles from Florance[.]
My dear father got up and came to the cart to commence to pull with me[.] I said father you are not able to pull the cart to day[.] he said yes I am My dear[.] I am better[.] the breathern blessed Me and Said I should get well and go to the valley and I have faith that I shall[.] Oh he said if I can only live long enough to get there and see My dear daughter Ann again[,] she shall never go so far away from me again[.] My sister Ann left England one year before we left[.] she came the Journey alone with her little boy[.] she was so anxious to come to the valley that she had currage [courage] to leave and came without any of our own family with her and My dear father fealt to greive about her so Much and when he was so sick at Florance she seemed to be his great trouble that he would never see his dear girl Ann again but after the breatheren adminestered to him he fealt better and we started on our journey to Cuttlers Park to camp for the night[.]
My father and Myself use to be on the inside of the shafts of the cart and My sisters Maria and Jane pulled with arope tied to the shafts and Sarah pushed behind: that afternoon we had not traveled far when My poor sick father fell down and we had to stop to get him up on his feet[.] I said father You are not able to pull the cart. You had better not try to pull[.] we girls can do it this afternoon[.] oh he sais I can do it I will try it again[.] I Must not give up[.] the breatheren said I shall be better and I want to go to the valley to shake hands with Brigham Young.
So we started on again[.] we had not traveld far before he fell down again[.] he was so weak and waurn down we got him up again but we told he [him] he could not pull the cart again that day[.] So My sister Maria came and worked with me inside the shafts and Jane and Sarah pulled on the rope untill we got into camp: that night my Sister Zilpha Jaques was confined at twelve o clock and My sister Tamar was very sick with Mountain fever[.] My sister got over her trouble quite well but another poor sister [Sarah Ann Barlow] Ashton died there that night as soon as her child [Sarah Ann Ashton] was born leaving the new born babe and three other children and her husband.
The next Morning the company got ready to start[.] the captain came to our tent and told us to be ready to start as soon as we could get ready[.] there lay My Sister Zilpha on the ground[,] just gave birth to achild [.] She was lieing on some Quilts in one corner of the tent and my sister Tamar liing on quilts in the other corner of the tent[,] neither of the poor things able to moove[.] the Captain Edward Marten sais put them up in the wagon as there was a wagon for the sick that was unable to walk[.] I ask can one of us ride with them to take care of them[.] he Said No thay will have to take care of themselves: then I said thay will not go[.] we will stay here for a day or two and take care of our two sick Sisters[.]
so we was left there all alone as the company started about seven o clock that Morning[.] we was there all day alone with our sick and when night came My poor father and brother in law John Jaques had to be up all night to make big fire to Keep the wolves away from us[.] I never heard such terrable hawling of wolfs in my life as we experenced that lon[e]some night[.] we was all very glad to see daylight[.]
early in the Morning at day break came from the camp at Florance brother Joseph A[.] Young on horseback riding in great speed to our camp to see what was the cause of the big fires[.] they had watched the light all night[.] he said he was sent to see what was the Matter as he Knew the company was to leave that place the Morning before[.] when he came into the tent and Saw My sister with her new born babe lieing on the ground on some quilts he was overcome with sympathy[.] the tears ran down his cheeks then he bless[ed] my sister and tryed to comfort and cheer her by saying well Sister Jaques I suppose you will name Your boy handcart having been born under such circumstances[.] No she Said I will want a prettyer name than that for him. then he turned to see My sister lieing in the op[p]osite corner of the tent sick with Mountain fever [.] he ask[ed] us what we was going to do and No one to help us [or] ac[c]ompany us to overtake the company[.] we told him we expected to start that Morning as we could not Stay there any longer as we would not catch up with the company and we could not travel all the way alone[.]
he bid us good Morning and left us[.] we got breakfast and attended to the sick and then Made ready to Start on our Journey again[.] we packed our handcart[,] st[r]uck our tent[,] packed it on My hand cart[,] then lay My sister Tamar on that[,] then Br Jaques packed his cart and put his wife[,] My Sister and her two children on the cart[.] we tied the tent poles along side of the cart our cooking utencels we tied under the cart with our days proveseons.
we again started on our Journey[.] this was very [hard] on my poor dear sick father after having to be up all night[,] no rest or sleep as I have allready stated[,] thay had to Stand guard to Keep the wolves away from us[.] it Surely did proove to us that God was with us for My poor father seemed better that day than he had been for a week past[.] surely God gave him new strength that day for we traveled 22 Miles before we came up with the Company[.] after we started in the Morning when we left camp we did not expect to have to travel so far before we overtook the company[.] I thought perhaps captain Marten would send Some little help to us: but no in this we was desapointed[.] he did not trouble anything about us after he left us at Cutlers Park with our sick.
After we left camp that Morning we was overtaken by Brother William Cluff[.] he came riding very fast to overtake us after Joseph A Young got back to there camp at Florance[,] he told the Breathren who it was that Kept the fires up all night[,] said we had Sickness in the family and could not go on with the company[.] Br Cluff said that he would ride out away and overtake us and try to help us a little way[.] he fetched arope with him and tied it to our handcart then to the pum[m]el of his Sad[d]le and gave us a rest[.] first he helped brother Jakes away[,] then he help[ed] My dear father and us girls for which I was very thankfull more on the ac[c]ount of our dear sick father than for us girls because we was young and healthey in those days[.] nevertheless this was ahard Journey on booth Young and old[.] Bro cluff said he was sorry to leave us but he had to return to his camp at Florance[.] we thanked him very Kindly for coming to help us and we reluctantly bid him good bye for we truely fealt that we would have liked to had his company and help untill we caught up with the company but this could not be[.]
it was not safe for Indians for a Man to travel alone[.] Br Cluff had not left us very long[,] we hardly was out of sight of him when five great Indians came out of a cave in the Mountains[,] got on there horses and came to Meet us[.] they was all painted[,] bare naked[,] except there brick [breech] cloth[,] had there tomahawks and hatchet[,] bows an[d] arows[.] they stopt us in the road[,] talked but we could not understand them[.] when they saw our Sick and My sister with her New born babe thay mooved out of the road and motioned for us to go on[.] I think this was so near to beign [being] killed by Indians as I wish to be[.] thay was quite impodent in there Man[n]ers to us and Made fun of us pulling the handcart[.] we was some what afraid of them and I daresay thay could See we was afraid of them[.] at the same time we put our faith and trust in God our Father that he would take care of us and not let those Indians hurt us or do us harm[.] I know it was nothing but the power of God that saved us from those Indians that day we was all alone traveling in the Mountains and hills all that day[.]
after the Indians left us we traveled On for an hour or more[.] we came to aplace w[h]ere some folks had camped[.] the fiors [fires] was still burning and we thought it was whare our company had camped but not know then that Indians had been camping there[.] we had dinner there[.] I warmed Some grewel [gruel] for my sick sisters[.] after dinner we girls thought we would take a little walk out from camp while father and Mother rested alittle: we had not gone far from camp when we came to four or five newly made graves and we picked up awomans green sun bonnet which we recanized as belonging to sister Williams who left with Mr[.] Babet [Babbitt] three days before we left the camp at Cuttlers Park[.]
Mr Babbet was a man that had come out from Salt L City to the states to purchas[e] good[s.] he had a train of some five or six loaded wagons with teems and teemsters[.] he came into our camp he sais if we had any letters to send into the City to friends that he would take them for us as he would reach there long before we would[.] he also said that he could take two pirsons along with him[,] free of charge[,] as he had plenty of room in his light spring wagon and this sister Williams husband had allready gone to Utah the year previous and She had a young baby she told Mr Babbet that she would like to go with him[.] he waited in camp untill Morning[.] Many wrote letters and gave to him to take to there friends in Utah and Mrs Williams started with Mr Babbet for Utah with the Antisipation of getting to the valley before the cold weather came[.]
poor dear woman never dreaming of the sadd fate that awaited her and Mr Babbet and his Men teemsters: at the very place we came too camp for dinner was w[h]ere this Murder was committed by the Indians[.] may be those Indians we Meet was some of those that had helped in the murder and rob[b]ery of Babbes train of good[s.] We Saw whare wagons had been burn[e]d as there was wagon tires lieing around near the graves[.] there was only one Man teemster left to tell the sadd news[.] he said Babbet was shot in his wagon[.] the woman the Indians put on a horse and took her away with them but he did not know what became of her child and we found the green sun bonnet[.] it was good for us that we did not [know] all this when those Indians stopt us in the road[.]
we would surely have thought that we would have to share the same fate as Babbet and his company shared but thank God our lives was spared and again I will acknowledge the hand of God to have been over us that day[.] we will now leave this camp and travel on in persuit of our company[.] we traveled rather quietly along as the night began to draw in on us and we was geting tiard of pulling our loaded carts all day and my poor dear father feeling sick and weak and tiard and my two dear sisters so sick and tiard[.] never will I forget that terrable loanly night[.] for Miles we was sur[r]ounded with prary fires[.] it looked as though the fires was geting so near us on booth sides that the fire would overtake us before we could find the company[.] we traveled on[,] the Moon was shining[.] that was in our favor[.] at length we saw which we thought was atent with alight in it but when we got near to it we discovered it to be an Indian wick[i]up[.]
there was a very large dog lieing at the enterence of the tent[.] we began to feel afraid less the dog should come at us and that would have aroused the Indians[.] thay Must have been asleep dog and all <for> the dog never noticed us at all[.] we was verry thankfull for this narrow escape from those Indians[.] here again we had great reason to return our thanks to God our Father for protecting us from this dangerous event[.]
we traveled along very quiet for about two more Miles nearly falling asleep in our harnes[s]. then we came to abarn or stable and by the light of the Moon we Saw aman standing at the door[.] My dear father stopt and in his Kind and gentle maner said good evening sir[.] he never Answer[e]d[.] then father said have you Seen a company of handcart people pass this way[?] could you Kind[ly] tell me[?] in avery rough course Maner this man Sais Yes I saw them pass[.] father said would you be so Kind to tell us w[h]ere we can find them[,] how far we will have to travel to there camp[?] again this ugley fellow spake in the same rough Manner as before[.] he said ah it is along way from here[.] several Miles[.] father thanked the Man and bid him good night but he never made any reply. when we got away My dear father said I did not like that fellows manner at all[.] I said neither did I[.] let us hurrey an[d] away from him as fast as we can[.] we did not Know if there was any more nen [men] or not in the barn and we was afraid that thay would follow us so we hur[ri]ed along as fast as we could travle with our two inveleads [invalids] poor dear creatures and the dear little new born babe and my poor dear father So weak and tierd[.] how faithfully did he keep up all that long day he pulled the cart all day[.] he had such strong faith in the blessings that the Servants of God had pronounced upon him at Florance [Florence] that he should get better and should reach the valleys of the Mountains he did get better for a time and was able to pull the cart again for two or three weeks[.] then he became very sick and died on the 24 of september 1856:

but here I must now return to our last days travle to find the company after we left the Man at the barn we traveled about two or three Miles before we came to there camp[.] the Moon was [s]hining clear and when we first see the tents then we all fealt to rejoice and fealt that we was not alone any more for we had surely fealt very lounsom [lonesome] all day not Knowing the road[.] we did not know if we was on the right road to find the company or not for we had not meet or Seen a living beign [being] all day since we saw those five Indians that stopt us in the road untill we saw that strange Men standing at the barn door[.] as we came near the camp[.] the guard called out who comes there[?] we answered friend and told him who we was[.] he Said you cannot Make afire or put up your tent to night[.] no fire or lights alowed everything has to be very quiet here and we will have to move on early in the morning[.]
I told the guard that we had two sick sisters[:] one Just confin[e]d and that they boath neeced [needed] some thing warm[.] I had a little flour gumel [gruel] allready cooked and it only needed to be warmed[.] we had picked up alittle dry kindeling[.] I said it will not take five minut[e]s to Make alittle fire and warm the grewel[.] the guard left[.] I told him I would be carefull and not make a big fire and in a few Minut[e]s he could come and put the fire out so he did[.] I gave My sisters some little nureshment and we all laid down on the ground to sleep coverd with our quilts[.] we had nothing to eat that night[.] the last we had to eat that day was at twelve clock in the day as near as we could tell the time[;] how ever we was all very tiard and soon fell asleep as it was past two oclock when we found the camp[,] we did not have very long to sleep[.] we was awakened very early and had to travle on before we had breakfast then we camped and got something to eat[.] this was quite hard on us as we had no supper after we got in camp[.] at the same time it seemed we did not suffer with hunger[.]
it seemed the Lords fitted the back for the burden[.] every day we realised that the hand of God was over us and that he made good his promices unto us day by day[.] as we Know God our Father has promised us these blessings if we will call on him in faith[.] we Know that his promises never fail and this we prooved day by day[.] we Knew that we had not strength of our own to perform such hardships[.] if our heavenly Father had not help[ed] us and we prayed unto God continuely for his help and we allways acknowledged his goodness unto us day by day[.] Sometimes in the Morning I would feel so tiard and feel that I could not pull the cart the day through[.] then the still small voice would w[h]isper in my ear as thy day thy strength shall be[.] this would give me new strength and energy and thus we traveled on day after day[,] week after week[,] and for four Month[s] before we reached the valley; we would travel all day and when we got into camp we would get somelittle to eat then we would Sit around the camp fire and sing the Songs of Zion[.] oh Yes and our favorite hand cart song[:] some must push and some must pull as we go Marching up the hill untill we reach the valley. . . [.]
I am very thankfull to say that my sister Jaques got safely over her confindment[.] it was indeed wounderfull that she did not take any severe cold having to sleep out doors the first night after her baby was born[,] could not be attended to and taken care off as she should have been at such atime[,] neither herself nor child could have proper care: and through all this she lived and her baby too and came into the valley with the rest of the family[.] how ever she lived through it all is a great mystrey for she was a weakly delicate woman[.] in this instance we must again acknowledte the hand of God for of her ownself she never could have accumplished this long and severe Journey and withstood the cold weather[.] God Surely was mindfull of her and gave her strength according to her day[.]
also my dear Sister Tamar that in the first of the Journey[,] she hurt her side pulling the handcart[,] then had Mountain fever So very bad that she became so weak and low that one time we thought she could not live[.] we pulled her on the hand cart as long as we could untill the change came and she was begin[n]ing to get some better[.] then she and my sister with her new born babe was al[l]owed to ride for a time in the wagon with the other inveleads [invalids.] this was in the month of september and our dear father was begin[n]ing to get very weak and food was get[t]ing Short[.] day by day his strength began to fail him[.] Some day[s] he was not able to pull the cart but had to walk[.] one evening when we goto camp he had walked seventeen miles with Mother helping him[.] he sais My dear girls I was not able to get any wood to Make you afire and he fealt so bad about it[.] I said never Mind[,] father[,] we have got some wood on the cart and we will soon have afire and make you alittle warm grewel[.] we had alittle flour[.] we laid him down on some quilts untill we could get the tent up[,] then he was unable to raise himself and had to be carr[i]ed into the tent[.] that was the last day he was able to walk[.]
the next Morning I got [up] very early to Make a fire and Make him a little more flour grewel[.] that was all we had to give him but before I could get it ready for him[,] my sister Zilpha called to [me] Saying patience come quick[,] our father is dieing and when I got into the tent my poor Mother and all our family[:] four Sisters[,] My youngest brother Robert[,] ten years old[,] and my brother in law John Jaques was all Kneeling on the ground around him[.] poor dear father realizing he had to leave us[,] he was to[o] weak to talk to us[,] he looked at us all with tears in his eyes[,] then he said to Mother with great diffulcuty he said you Know I love My children[.] then he closed his eyes[.] thees was the last words he ever said[.] he seem[ed] to fall asleep[.] he breathed quiet and peacefull[.]
we called in Brother Loane[.] he was captain of the company[.] he saw father was dieing[.] he sais the company will have to start soon[,] he sais[,] you had better take down your tent and put him up in the wagon[.] I ask him if one of us could ride with him to take care of him [,] he said no[.] then we siad we would not let father be put in the wagon[.] we would put him on the handcart[.] then we could take care of him[.] so we made a bed of our quilts and laid him on the cart[.] that day we had a very hard Journey as we had to travel through the sandy bluffs[.] it was very hard pulling so much up hill and deep sand we got to the top of the hill about one o clock this was the 23 of september[,] the sun was scorching hott so bad for my dear die[i]ng father on the top a hill not the least shade for him[.] we had to stay there all day but very little to eat untill all the companys got up the hill[.]
so many gave out and the wagons was loaded with the tents and what provisions there was[.] some of the oxen gave out[.] that was a terrable day never to be forgotten by us and poor father dieing on the hand cart[.] he did not seem to suffer pain[.] he never opened his eyes after he closed them in the morning[.] it was a great comfort to us all that we had him with us on the cart as the teems had such a terrable time to get through the sand and the last of them did not get up untill it was dark[.] the breathren came to adminester to father in the afternoon[.] they anointed him oil[.] his lips was so dry and parched[,] they put oil on his lips[.] then he opened his Mout[h] and licked the oil from his lips and smiled but did not Speak[.] the breath[r]en Knew he was dieing[.] they said we will seal father Loader up to the Lord for him alone is worthy of him[.] he has done his work[,] been afaithfull Servant in the church and we the Servants of God Seal him unto God our Father: and to our su[r]prise my dear father said amen so plain that we could understand him and there lay with such asweet smile on his face[.] that was the last word he said Amen to the blessing the breathern pronounced upon him and he seemed to Know and understand all they said and we ourselv[e]s thought he could neither hear or speak for many times dureing the day I spoke to him quite loud and ask[ed] him if he knew me or could he hear me[,] but he never noticed me[.] as when Mother would speak to him[,] he never took the least notice and we concluded that he was uncon[s]cious but when the breathren came to adminester to him[,] it seemed that he understood all thay said by saying Amen:
we started again from that place at Six o clock in the evening to find a camping place So we could get wood and water[.] it got dark long before we campt[.] we traveled over brush and on awfull rough road[.] we did not camp untell past ten oclock[.] we could not moove poor father as he was not yet dead so we put the tent up and took the hand cart into the tent and our dear father died[.] he breathed his last at fifteen minut[e]s past eleven o clock at night[.] that had been avery hard and trying day on us all and we spent asor[r]owfull night for we had lost and was bereft of one of the best of earthly fathers[.] he was a man that was deviatedly fond of his wife and children[.] I can say he was proud of his children[.] we was nine daughters and four sons[.]
the next morning Br S[amuel]. S[tephen]. Jones and his brother dug two graves[,] one for my poor father and the other for a welch brother his name was Jam[e]s[.] he had no relatives[,] he was traveling alone to Utah[.] this was asevere trial[.] here we had to [w]rap my dear father in a quilt all we had to lay him in[;] no nice casket to lay him away in comfortable but put into the grave and the earth thrown in upon his poor body[.] oh that sounded so hard[,] I will never forget the sound of that dirt beign [being] shoveld onto my poor fathers boday[.] it seemed to me that it would break every bone in his body. it did indeed seem a great trial to have to leave our dear father behind that morning knowing we had looked upon that sweet smiling face for the last time on earth but not without a hope of Meeting him again in the Morning of the resurection for he had been afaithfull servant of God and bore testemony to the truth of the gosple of Jesus Christ nombers of times and we Know if we his children follow his example that we will Meet our dear father again and be reunited with him to dwell in unity and love all through eternity and as our dear Mother and we girls traveled that day[,] it was a verey Sorrowfull day and we all greeved greatly[.]
Brother Daniel Tyler came to us and tryed to comfort us by telling that our father was afaithfull true servant of God[.] he said he had not strength to endure the hard Journey[.] he said father had laid down his life for the gosple sake[.] he had died amaster [a martyr] to the truth[.] he had suffered Much but was faithfull to the last and he would wear a Marters crown. of course this was all very comforting to us but it did not bring our dear father back to us at the Same time we [k]new that our loss was his gain. we also knew that he fealt sorrey to leave us on the plains on such a hard Journey without a man to help us to get wood or put up our tent or take it down in the Morning and food was begin[n]ing to get short rations and the cold weather would overtake us before we could get to Salt Lake[.] all this caused him to feel bad and as long as he was able to do anything[,]
he worked after we got in camp Makeing tent pins[.] he Made us a sack full of tent pins[.] he said to us girls I have Made you lots of tent pins because when the cold weather comes you will not be able to make tent pins Your hands will be so cold[.] by this we Knew that he would not live the Journey through and he also grieved to Know that Mother and we girls would not have any one to help us make a home as [or] help us to make aliving. yes he had allways been a good Kind husband and father[.] good at all times to provide for his family. when he was well along the first part of our Journey[,] he enjoyed himself very much and he would try to encurage us girls all he could for he Knew how it was for us to pull a handcart every day and he Knew that I for one thought it was the hardest way we could have started on such along Journey[.]
I said when the word came to father for us to be ready by July to start by handcart to go to the valley[.] I told father we had all got into good work and if we stay in new York untill the next Spring that we could get agood outfitt to cross the plains and not have to pull ahandcart which would have been far better and I beleive our dear father would have lived and got to Salt Lake City[.] we would not have buried him on the plains[.] we comfort to our Minds our father had a good deep grave[.] the two Kind brothers Samuel and Albert Jones dug him a deep grave so that the wolves could not get to him and we all fealt to thank and ask God to bless our breathren for there Kindness to us in our great Sorrow and Berevement. I could say many more good and great things about my dear father but this must suf[f]ice for the preasant and pass on to more of my experence in this Journey for we all surely had and past through many great trials and the night and morning began to get very cold[.]
about the begin[n]ing of October we had the first snow storm[.] we was then at the black hills[.] we halted for ashort time and took shelter under our hand carts[.] after the storm had past we traveled on untill we came to the last crossing of the Platt[e] river[.] here we Meet with the wagon company thay was campt for the night[.] we the hand cart had orders from captain Edward Martin to cross the river that afternoon and evening[.] here poor brother stane [Jonathan Stone] was missing[.] he was Sick and laid down to rest by the road Side[;] he fell asleep it was sup[p]osed. some of the breathren had to go back in sea[r]ch of him and when thay found him he was dead and nearly all eaten by the wolves[.] this was a terrable death poor man[.] Br stone was aloan Man from London England[.]
as I said we had to cross the river[.] Mother went to see Mrs Ballen[.] thay in the wagon company[.] Sister Ballen gave Mother three good sliceses of bread and Molaces [molasses] for us girls[.] Br Nathan Porter from Centervell had been to England on a mission[.] after landing in New York he was taken very sick[.] Bro Bestan took him to his home to take care of him[.] here we became acquainted with Bro Porter[.] my sister Maria and myself took turns in sit[t]ing up at night[.] he recoued [recovered] in health suficiant to go home to Utah that season[.] he bought a muel and road crossing the plains in the wagon company[.] when we meet with him at the Platt[e] river[,] he rememberd our kindness to him through his sickness[.] his heart went out in sympathy for Mother and us girls[.]
when we told him that dear father was dead he fealt So sorrey to see us having to made [wade] the river and pull the cart through [,] he took Mother on his Muel behind him telling her to hold fast to him and he would take her safely through the water[,] then he told Mother that he would return and bring our cart through the river. this we did not Know that he intended doing so we started to cross the river and pull our own cart[.] the water was deep and very cold and we was drifted out of the regular crossing and we came near beign [being] drounded[.] the water came up to our arm pits[.] poor Mother was standing on the bank screaming[.] as we got near the bank I heard Mother say for God Sake some of you men help My poor girls[.] Mother said she had been watching us and could see we was drifting down the stream[.] several of the breathren came down the bank of the river and pulled our cart up for us and we got up the best we could[.] Mother was there to meet us her clothing was dry but ours was wett and cold and verey soon frozen[.] Mother took of[f] one of her under skirts and put on one of us and her apron for another to Keep the wett cloth from us for we had to travle several miles before we could camp[.] here Mother took out from her Apron the bread and Molaces [molasses] Sister Bullen gave her for us[.] she broke in peices and gave each some[.] this was a great treat to us and we was all hungary[.] it seemed to give us new strength to travle on[.]
when we was in the mid[d]le of the river I saw a poor brother carreying his child on his back[.] he fell down in the water[.] I never Knew if he was drowned or not[.] I fealt sorrey that we could not help him but we had all we could do to save our ownselv[e]s from drownding[.] that night we had no dry cloth to put on after we got out of the water we had to travle in our wett cloth[e]s untill we got to camp and our clothing was frozen on us and when we got to camp we had but very little dry clothing to put on[.] we had to make the best of our poor cercumstances and put our trust in God our father that we may take no harm from our wett cloth[e]s[.] it was to[o] late to go for wood and water the wood was to[o] far away[.] that night the ground was frozen to[o] hard[.] we was unable to drive any tent pins in as the tent was wett when we took it down in the morning[,] it was somewhat frozen So we stretched it open the best we could and got in under it untill morning[.]
then the bugle Sounded early in the morning for us to travle seven miles as we could not get any wood to make a fire[.] there was snow on the ground[.] we had a good many Sick people more than could ride in the sick wagon so the captain ap[p]ointed Brother Ward to take charge of the inveleads [invalids] as he had traveld the plains so many times having been on several Misseans[,] captain Marten thought he would be the right man to put in charge of the Sick and bring them sefe [safe] to camp but this araingment [arrangement] failed[.] the poor man Misstook the road and thay got lost[.] the captain started Bro Ward out of camp along time in the Morning before the Main companys started So that thay should be able to get to camp before we ar[r]ived there[.] it was aterrable day it snowed and drifted and the wind blowed all day[.]
we traveled Seven Miles and when we campt there was no signs of Brother Ward and his sick breathren[.] then captain Marten called for some of the breathren to go back and find the company of Inveleads and when it was get[t]ing dark thay returned bringing in Nineteen all f[r]ozen[.] I never Knew if that was all that started out in the Morning or not. now I must say after we got to camp[,] we found we had to go along way to go for wood so My sister Marie and myself went with the breathren to get wood[.] we had to travle in the snow knee deep for nearly a mile to the ceders[.] we found nothing but green ceder as all the dry wood on the grown [ground] was coverd over with snow[.] I ask[ed] one of the breathren to cut me down a Shoulder Stick so he Kindly gave us quite alarge heavy log[.] my sister took one end on her shoulder and I raised the other end on to my shoulder and started back to camp[.] we had not gone very far when we boath fell down with our load[.] the snow beign [being] so deep made it very hard work for us to get back to camp with our load but after much hard work[,] we got there[.]
my Mother and sisters was anxiously awaiting our return for they was boath hungray and cold in the tent[.] as soon as I could get some wood chopt I tryed to make afire to make a little broath as I had an old beef head[.] I was allways on the look out for anything that I could get to eat not only for Myself but for the rest of the family[.] we got of[f] the skin from the beef head[,] chopt it in peices the best I could[,] put it into the pot with some Snow and boiled for along time[.] about four o clock in the after noon we was able to have some of this fine Made broath[.] I cannot say that it tasted very good but it was flavord boath with Sage brush and from the smokey fire from the green ceder fire so after it was cooked we all enjoyed it and fealt very thankfull to have that much[.] it would have tasted better if we could have alittle pepper and salt but that was aluxury we had been deprived of for along time[.] after I done with my cooking the beef head for that day I took the pot into the tent for thay was all anxiously for there dinner and supper together for after we had eat what we could[,] the remainen was left for the next day[.] I put the fire into the bake oven and took it in the tent and we all sat around it to Keep us warm as we could[.] we young folks had drank our broath[.] My Mother was Still drinking hers[.]
the captain of the company came with two other breathren and fetched poor brother John Laurey to our tent[.] since my poor father died this brother had staid in our tent as he had no friends with him[.] he was alone[.] he was one of the poor Inveleads [invalids] that was lost[.] brother [John] Toone said to Mother give him som[e]thing warm[.] Mother said I have alittle hott soup Patience made for us[.] I will share with him[.] thay left this brother with us to take care of [.] we tryed to give him alittle with a teaspoon but we could not get the spoon between his teeth[.] poor dear Man he looked at us but could not Speak aword[.] he was nearly dead frozen[.] it got dark[.] we [w]rapt him up the best we could to try to get warm but he was two far gone[.] we all laid down to try to get warm in our quilts the best we could[.] My Mother and Myself and sister Jane in one bed[.] My sister Tamar[,] Maria[,] sarah and my little brother Robert in the other bed and poor brother Laurey in his own bed[.] poor Man[,] hehad only one old blanket to [w]rap him in[.] we had a buflow [buffalo] roab [robe][.] this he had over him after we was in bed[.]
it was a dark loansome night[.] he commenced to talk to himself[.] he called for his wife and children[.] he had previously told me that he had a wife and nine children in London and that they would come out as soon as he could make money enough to send for them[.] he said he was counceld to come to this countrey first and leave his family in England for atime[.] he was told that he could earn more money in this countrey than in England[.] he was a taylor by trade and had never been acostomed to working out doors[.] poor man[.] I doubt if he had lived to come to Utah that he would have made but very little money working at [h]is trade for in those days there was but very little call for Taylors as there was but verey few people could af[f]ord to employ a Taylor to mak[e] there clothing and another thing[,] there was but very little cloth in Utah[.] Some folks was able to get own made geans [home made jeans] and the Sisters generly made all there husbands and boys clothing as thay had nothing to pay for tayloring to be done[.]
in the night we could not hear him talking any more[.] I said to Mother I think poor brother is dead[.] I have not heard him for the last hour[.] Mother ask[ed] me to get up and go to him[.] I got up but everything in the tent seemed so silent and then was such a sadd feeling came over me[.] it was so dark and drear[y] that I said to Mother I cannot go to him[.] She sais well get back in bed and try to get warm and wait untill daylight[.] of course we did not Sleep[.] early as it was alittle light I got up and went to the poor man[,] found him dead frozen to the tent[.] as I turned him over to look in his face never can I forget that Sight[,] poor Man[.] I told Mother that he was dead[.] she said go and tell Brother Toone[.] I went to his tent[,] told him Br Laurey was dead[.] he said well he will have to be buried[.] he told me we would have to [w]rap him in a quilt[.] I said he has no quilts[.] he has only one small thin blanket and we cannot spare any of our quilts as we had allready used one to [w]rap my dear father in when he died[.] so we rapt him in his own little blanked and the breathren came and took him away to burey him with eighteen more that had died dureing the night: what a deplorable condition we was in at that time[.]
Seven hundred miles from salt Lake and only nine days full rations[.] that Morning the Bugal sounded to call us together[.] the captain ask[ed] us if we was willing to come on four ounces of flour aday[.] all answerd yes[.] we had allready been reduced to half pound pr day[.] well we return to our tents[.] I had left the remain[d]er of the beef head cooking on the fire[.] the next tent to ours was Br Saml Jones and sister Mary Ann Greening was traveling with Sister [Sarah Ann Bradshaw] Jones and family[.] sister Mary ann was at her fire cooking something[.] I don't what she had to cook[.] I am sure she had but little[.]
we look around towards the Mountains and she called out oh Patience here is some californians coming and as thay got nearer to us I told her no thay are not californians[,] it is Br Joseph A. Young from the valley[.] he was ac[c]ompanyed by brother Hanks or James Furgeson I cannot Say which[.] it was of those two breathren with there pack animal thay came to our fire seeing us out there[.] Br Young ask how many is dead or how many is alive[.] I told him I could not tell[.] with tears streaming down his face[,] he ask whare is your captains tent[.] he call for the bugler To call everybody out of ther[e] tents[.] he then told the captain Edward Martin if he had flour enough to give us all one pound of flour each and said if there was any cattle to Kill and give us one pound of beef each Saying there was plenty provisions and clothing coming for us on the road[,] but to Morrow Morning we must Make a Moove from there[.] he said we would have to travel 25 Miles then we would have plenty of provisions and that there would be lots of good breathren to help us[,] that thay had come with good teems and good coverd wagons so the sick could ride then[.] he Said that he would have to leave us[.] he would have liked to traveled With us the next Morning but we must cheer up and God would bless us and give us strength[.] he said we have made a trail for you to follow[.] he bid us good bye[.]
thees breathren had to go Still further seven Miles to the Platt[e] river as the wagon company was still campt there and thay was in great disstres as there teems had given out[.] So many of them and there provisions was givingout and get[t]ing very short. After the Breathren had left us we fealt quite encuraged[.] we got our flour and beef before night came on and we was all busy cooking and we fealt to thank God and our Kind brothers that had come to help us in our great disstress and miserey for we was suffering greatly with cold and hunger[.] when night came we went to bed[.] we slept pretty comfortable more So than we had done for some time[.] we fealt assurred [ blank space] hope[.] we was all glad to Make moove from this place[.] it Seemed that if God our Father had not sent help to us that we must all have persihed and died in a short time for at that time we had only very little proveseans left and at the request of Br Martin we had come on four ounces of flour a day for each one to make the flour last us as long he could [.]
I dont know how long we could have lived and pulled our handcart on this small quantity of food[.] our provisions would not have lasted as long as thay did had all our breathren and sisters lived but nearly half the company died and caused our provisions to hold out longer[.] accordingly we struck tents in the morning and packed our carts and started on our Journey again[.] it was a nice bright Morning but very cold and clear[,] the Snow was very deep in places[.] it was hard pulling the cart[.]
I remember well poor Brother [David] Blair[.] he was a fine taul Man had been one of Queen Victoreas life guards in London[.] he had a wife and four small children[.] he made a cover for his cart and he put his four children on the cart[.] he pulled his cart alone[.] his wife helped by pushing behind the cart[.] poor Man he was so weak and waurn down that he fell down Several times that day but still he Kept his dear little children on the cart all day[.] this poor man had So much love for his wife and children that instead of eating his Mosael of food himself he would give it to his children[.] poor Man he pulled the cart as long as he could then he died[,] and his poor wife and children had to do the best thay could without him to help them[.] the poor children got frozen some parts of there bodys was all sores but thay all got in to Salt L City alive but suffering[.] w[h]ether the children lived or not I never heard as thay went north of the city and our family went South.
I will say we traveld on all day in the snow but the weather was fine and in the Mid[d]le of the day the sun was quite warm[.] Some time in the afternoon a strange Man appeard to me as we was resting[.] as we got up the hill he came and looked in my face he sais is you Patience I said yes he said again I thought it was you[.] travel on[,] there is help for you[.] you will come to a good place there is plenty[.] with this he was gone he dissapeared[.] I looked but never saw whare he went[.] this seemed very strange to me. I took this as some one sent to encurage us and give us strength[.]
we traveld on and when we got into camp there was five or six of the breathren with there wagons camped there[.] thay had been and got quantitys of wood and thay had already made about adozen big fires for us and there was plenty of lovely spring water that was agreat treat to us for the last water we had seen was when we crossed the Platt[e] river[.] we had nothing but snow water and that did not taste very good as we had to melt it over the campfire and it tasted of Sage brush sometimes ceder wood smoke[.] we fealt very thankfull to our breathren for Making us thees good fires and sup[p]lying us with wood so abundantly[.] I realy Must say that I was very thankfull for since our dear father died it had fallen on me and my sister Maria to get the most of our wood and I thought it was so good that we did not have wood to get that night after such hard pulling all day through the snow[,]
and it was nearly dark when we got in camp[.] it Seemed good to get apound of flour again that night[.] the breathren fetched out some provisions and clothing but thay Siad thay had not got much to give us as thay did not Know how long thay would be there [.] that thay would have to wait untill the wagon company was heard from [.] thees breathren was very Kind and good to us[,] did everything thay could for us[.] this place was willow springs[.] here it was that poor William Whittacar [Whittaker] died[.] he was in the tent with several others in one part of the tent he and his Br John occupied and the other part of the tent another family was Sleeping[.] there was a young woman sleeping and she was awoke by poor Br Whiticar eating her fingers[.] he was dieng with hunger and cold[.] he also eat the flesh of his own fingers that night. he died in the morning and was buri[e]d at willow Springs before we left camp[.]
that day we traveld a good many Miles[.] we meet several wagons load[ed] with provisions & clothing from this time[.] we began to get more to eat and some shoes and warm under clothing which we all needed verry much[,] some worse than others[.] I was thankfull to get a nice warm quilted hood which was very warm and comfortable[.] I also got apa[i]r of Slippers as I was nearly bear foot[.] we still had to pull our handcart for atime as there was not wagons suficiant for all to ride only those that was sick could ride but every day or two we would meet teems & wagons and those that was the most give out was taken into the wagons[.] when we campt one evening[,] abrother from the valley came to our camp fire[.]
he enquired of me if I knew if there was a family by the name of I cannot remember the name but I well remember the circumstance[.] I told this brother that there was the two children living[.] the father got disscuraged and staid at Laremy [Laramie] and the Mother had died[.] at this the poor man broak down[.] he said she was my poor dear sister[.] as soon as I heard of the trouble and disstress of this handcart company I Made ready to come in search of my poor sister and family[.] he said whare are the two children[?] I directed him to the wagon thay was in as he wanted to take them to his own wagon[.] he said he had fetched a feather bed and good warm blankets and quilts for his Sister to Keep them warm and provisions for them[.] I told this brother that thees two poor boys had sufferd sever[e]ly with cold and hunger since there poor Mother died[.]
one Morning as we was get[t]ing ready to leave camp I saw those two dear boys[.] the Eldest was eleven years old I beleive and young[e]st not more than four or five years[.] the Eldest was crawling along on his hands and Knees his poor feet was so frozen the blood run[n]ing from them in the snow as the poor thing was making his way to the sick wagon[.] the other dear child crying by his brother side his poor little arms and hands all scabs with chilblains and scarcely anything on to cover his body[.] this good brother[,] there Uncle[,] ask me if I Knew any good sister that will come and wash and take of there old clothing[.] he said I have plenty to Keep them warm and good bed and blankets[.] Sister Reed [Read] was standing near by she said I will wash them and Make them comfortable and She washed thees two poor boy[.] there Uncle made them anice warm bed in his wagon and this was the Last I saw of them untill we ar[r]ived in Salt Lake City then I was told that they was boath living and there Uncle had taken them to his home north of the city[.] many years after I heard that they was still living and doing well then thay was grown young men[.] I was also told that there father came in search of his two boy [.] he was then get[t]ng old and wanted to come and live with them but the boys did not feel very good towards there father for leaving them in such a helpless condition.
another Family by the name of Holiton boath father and Mother died leaving four or five children[.] the Eldest daughter a fine young womaman eighteen years old was so frozen had big wound in her back her sufferings was so great that She died after we got to Salt Lake city. another poor girl eleven years old father and Mother boath di[e]d of hunger and cold but there little da[u]ghter lived to get to Salt Lake but her poor feet was so frozen that boath had to be amputated above the ankle[.] this poor [girl] was crippled for life[.] I saw her Several years after and She was agreat sufferer and had to go under another operation and have the bone taken of[f] still further up the leg as the flesh and bone was still roting[.] I dont Know if she lived through the second operation or not poor afflicted firl [girl.]
the breathren that came to Meet us was very kind and good to[o] and as wagons and teems arived[,] our handcarts was left and we could ride in the wagons and Sometimes we could sleep in them[.] one day I well remember we had avery hard days travel and we came to Devels gate that night to camp[,] the snow was deep and terrable cold freezing when we got to camp[.] we found several big fiars [fires.] there was several log huts standing there and Several breathren from the valley was camping there[.] Brother Joel Parish was cooking supper for the rest of the breathrens[.] we was all so hungery and cold many ran to get to the fiar to warm but the breathren ask for all to be as pati[e]nt as possable and that we should have Some wood to make us afiar so we could get warm[.] brother George Grant was there[.] he told us all to Stand back for he was going to Knock down one of those log hutts to make fiars for us for he sais you are not going to freeze to night[.] now he called out again Stand back and said this night I have the strength of a grant [giant.] I never fealt So strong before in my life and at once he raised his axe and with one blow he Knocked in the whole front of the building[,] took each log and Split in four peices[,] gave each family one peice[.]
oh such crowding for wood [.] Some would have taken more than one piece but Bro grant told them to hold on and not to be greedy[,] there was some that had not got any yet[.] he Said there is one sister standing back waiting very pati[e]ntly and She must have some[.] I called out Yes brother grant My Name is Pati[e]nce and I have waited with patience[.] he laugh and said give that sister some wood and let her go and make afiar[.] I was very thankfull to get wood[.] I had waited So long that my clothing stiff and my old stockings and shoes seemed frozen on my feet and legs[.] My poor dear Mother was sit[t]ing down waiting untill we got back with wood to make afiar [.] as soon as we could get this log cut in peices we soon got our fire going and took of[f] our wett stockings and dryed them ready for morning and we had to wait Some time before we got our flour for supper[.]
During the time we was waiting a good brother came to our camp fiar he ask if we was all one family[.] we was six in Nomber[.] Mother answerd Yes we are all one family[.] she told him we was her daughters and the boy was her young[e]st Son[.] He ask Mother if she had no husband[.] she told her husband had died two Month ago and he was bured on the plains. He had been standing with his hands behind him then he handed us a nice peice of beef to cook for our Supper : He left us and came back with a beef bone. He said here is a bone to Make you Some Supe and said dont quarel over it. We fealt su[r]prised that he should think that we would ever quarel over our food. Mother said oh brother we never quarel over having short rations but we feel very thankfull to you for giving us this meat for we had not got any Meat neither did we expect to have any[.]
We camped here for two days or rather two nights and it was reported around camp that we would not have to pull our handcarts any further that we would leave them at Devels [Devil's] gate and that we would all be able to ride in the wagons[.] this was dileghtfull news to us to think we would not have to pull the cart any more[.] I fealt that I could still walk if I did not have the cart to pull[,] but oh what a dissapointment[,] the next morning we faunt [found] it was only those could ride that was to[o] sick and weak to pull there carts and so we girls all pretty well in health[,] we had to start out with our cart again[.]
as we started out from camp[,] there was quite a nomber of the breathren from the valley standing in readyness to help us across the stream of water with our cart[.] I was feeling somewhat bad that morning and when I saw this Stream of water we had to go through I fealt weak and I could not Keep my tears back[.] I fealt ashamed to let those breathren see me shed[d]ing tears[.] I pulled my old bonnet over my face as thay should not See my tears[.] one brother took the cart and another helped us girls over the water and Said we should not [be] made [to wade] the cold water any more and tryed to encurage us by Saying Soon we would all be able to ride in wagons[.]
we traveld on for Some Few Miles then we came to the Sweet Water[.] there we had to cross[.] we thought we would have to wade the water as the cattle had been crossing with the wagons with the tents and what little flour we had and had broaken the Ice so we could not go over on the ice. but there was three brave Men there in the water packing the women and children over on there backs[.] Names: William Kimble[,] Ephrem Hanks and I think the other was James Furgeson[.] those poor breathren was in the water nearly all day[.] we wanted to thank them but thay would not listen to My dear Mother fealt in her heart to bless them for there Kindnes[ .] she said God bless you for taking me over this water and in such an awfull rough way[.] oh D –m that[!] I dont want any of that[.] you are welcome we have come to help you[.] Mother turned to me saying what do think of that man[?] he is a rough fellow[.] I told her that is Brother William Kimble[.] I am told thay are all good men but I daresay that thay are all rather rought in there Manners[,] but we found that thay all had kind good hearts[.] this poor Br Kimble Staid so long in the water that he had to be taken out and packed to camp and he was along time before he recoverd as he was chil[le]d through and in after life he was allways afflicted with rhumetism:
after we was over the sweet water we had to travel Some distance to a good place to camp in between the mountains[.] we had avery nice camping place[.] here we remained for nine days as we had to wait untill more provisions came to us[.] what suplys had allready been Sent to us had to be left for the breathren that had to Stay all winter at Devels gate[,] as the cattle had nearly all gave out[,] boath in the wagon company and our company and a great deal of freight had to be left there at Devels gate untill spring[.] and we was on four oz. of flour aday nearly all the time we was in camp on the Sweet water[.]
but the morning we had orders to leave there[,] we was told to leave our handcarts[.] we was all very glad to leave the cart but we had to walk for several days before we could all ride in the wagons[.] it seemed good to walk and not have aload to pull through the snow[.] we got dear Mother in the wagon to ride and we girls was young and we was willing to ride walk untill such times as it was conveniant for us to ride during our nine days camping on the Sweet water[.] Many of the stout young men went out and got raw hide and anything thay could get to eat[.]
on one occasion I got a bone gave me with scarcely any Meat on it[.] I was cooking it to make alittle supe for breakfast and the breathren from the valley came and ask to go to there camp and sing for them[.] So we left Mother to see to the cooking of the bone[.] the breathren had cut down logs and formed seats for us all around there camp fire but thay said thay had nothing to give us to eat as thay themselvs was short of food[.] well we Sung and enjoyed ourselv[e]s for two or three hours and then we went to our own tent[.] when ar[r]ived there our fiar was out and Mother was gone to bed and My ten year old brother was also in bed[.] Mother Said I fetched the pot with the soup[.] we said allright Mother we staid longer then we ought too but the breathren did not want us to leave but we told them we would go and sing for them another night[.]
we was So hungery we had nothing to eat so we went to bed but Mother sais it is to[o] bad you have nothing to eat and it makes you more hungery to sing[.] you had better not go to sing for the breathren again but I must tell you that I got so hungery that I took the bone out of your soup and picked the little meat of[f] it and put the bone back into the pot[.] it seemed that I could not go to sleep without telling you for I knew you would not find anything on the bone in the morning[.] we told her that was allright[.] we fealt glad that our dear Mother found alittle bit to eat and we all went to sleep and Slept comfortable and warm untill morning not withstanding it was a terrable cold freezing night. then we got up and prepared our bone Soup for breakfast[.] we did not get but very little meat as the bone had been picked the night before and we did not have only the half of asmall biscute as we only was having four oz. of flour aday[.] this we devided into portians so we could have asmall peice three times aday[.] this we eat with thankfull hearts and we allways as[k] God to bless to our use and that it would Strengthen our bodys day by day so that we could performe our dutys[.]
and I can testefie that our heavenly Father heard and answerd our prayers and we was blessed with health and Strength day by day to endure the severe trials we had to pass through on that terrable Journey before we got to Salt Lake City[.] we Know that if God had not been with us that our strength would have failed us and our bodys would have been left on the plains as hundreds of our poor brothers and sisters was[.] I can truthfully say that we never fealt to murmer at the hardships we was passing through[.] I can say we put our trust in God and he heard and answerd our prayers and brought us through to the valleys:
I remember on one occasion when we was camping on the Sweet water thees same breathren came to our tent and ask us girls to go to there camp and sing for them again[.] my dear Mother told them she thought we had better not go to Sing that night it made us still more hungary to sing and we had nothing to eat after we came back to the tent[.] thay fealt Sorrey for us but thay could not give us anything for thay was short of provisions themselv[e]s untill thay got suplys from home[.] that night was a terrable cold night[.] the wind was blowing and the snow drifted into the tent onto our
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